Monday 9 July 2018

How To Tame A Lion






1.First, get the shoes right. Forget the flashy stilettos, lions don’t really care what’s in fashion at the moment.

2.Then, know your lion; his age, his temperament, his background. Did he come from a happy home or was he traumatised from an early age and shipped out of Africa, roaring and clawing at his cage?

3.Then ask how many lion tamers have already gone before you, and how many survived .


4.Next, look at the teeth, and, if necessary, check his dental records. Any sign of abscesses? If so, don’t go near him as he will be in a filthy temper.

5.How is his hearing? A deaf old beast is not likely to be impressed by your dulcit tones. Is he used to English, Welsh, Hindi or whatever other language he may have been exposed to?

6. Does he have a partner or is he sexually frustrated? If so, take care…

7. If he is tethered, then don’t forget to check the locks are securely fixed in the ground.

8. And, lastly, the shoes.

9. Confirm that they are good and strong, so if the outcomes of your planned lion taming lessons go awry, then at least be sure that you can still…

10… run like hell.