I do love Camilla
Long’s Sunday column in Style magazine. (See blog entitled ‘Tits’ from 2013). I am thrilled to see
that her longstanding fascination with mammary glands has not abated. Last
Sunday’s column , My cups runneth over,
was a witty account of her bursting the seams of a swimming costume in the
changing rooms of those esteemed Royal Curators of luxury lingerie, Rigby and
Peller.
I do wish I
could write like her. What’s that Oscar? A Wildean whisper in my ear ‘You will,
one day, my dear, you will.’
Her story reminds
me of my own experience of shoving my double D’s into a racy, lacy little
number in their posh emporium in Knightsbridge. I went with my friend Mandy,
whose G-inormous tits put mine and, I reckon, Camilla’s in the shade. At her
lactating largest Mandy was a G cup, or was it a J? I know this because my
inebriated, impertinent husband actually asked her at a party once. Mandy, even
more pissed, told him.
So there we
were, in adjoining cubicles, having our boobs measured and fitted.
There was a
problem. Next door I heard Mandy’s voice, higher pitched and more strangulated
than normal,
‘HOOw much? But my friend said ...’
I had given her a ball- park figure of the
cost of couturier undergarments, but I am, I admit, rather vague about such things.
The fitter left to rummage in their cheaper range.
‘When I get
out of here I’m going to kill you.’
‘Yes, um,
sorry, but does it fit?’
‘Yes it does
and fit is what my husband will have if I ever tell him the price, which I won’t.’
I bought two
bras, Mandy just the one. To cut the ice at the till I innocently enquired, in
my broadest Welsh accent, as to what size was their most famous client, Her
Maj. The ensuing stony look and silence from the professional bra fitter was a
perfect match to Mandy’s face.
Safely
outside I asked her how the fitter had finally persuaded her to buy.
‘She
realised you’d told me a pack of lies about the price. I asked if a bra with
less material would be less expensive. She replied,- ’
” Madam,
with a bosom of your proportion, Madam would need all the support she can get.”
