Brains

I have a female brain, nothing to do with femininity, it’s just the way I do, and sometimes don’t, think about things.

 For instance I have absolutely no sense of direction. This is partly the reason I only drive to places which I have learnt off by heart, as it were. I spent a weekend with a friend in New York once. Now the whole street system of New York is laid out like a grid and it has quite a simple logic with streets named 42^nd etc. Unfortunately this simple logic eluded me and as we walked around I kept asking my friend A, ‘Where are we now?’

‘But it’s obvious, are you pretending or what? She soon realised I was genuinely lost. ‘I remember another friend with a terrible sense of direction, but you knock spots off her ‘she told me.

My friend L has more of a male brain, but then again she is a quantity surveyor and is good at working out mathematical angles and graphs and scales of things. She is also quite fearless and determined. I remember when the four of us were in her husband’s company car driving to Ghent. We came across various road signs in Flemish which she careered through until eventually we came up to a half- built roundabout. We realised afterwards they must have meant ‘road closed’.
She stopped the car, pondered, and then seeing a truck driving up a dirt track said, ‘We’ll follow him, this car’s suspension’s knackered anyway’. And she did!

Clouds of dust flew up around us as I and the other girly girl sitting in the back squealed with terror. It was almost like being in some feminist cowboy film. Would we end up like Thelma and Louise? I still don’t know how L managed to steer us around Ghent in the middle of the rush hour. She has this ability to look at a map once and then remember it in 3 D.’I thought everyone did that until I met you’, she said to me. Mind you, this is a woman, who, recovering in hospital after an illness was presented by her husband with a present...of a hand drill! And, she was happy with it!

Where was I – oh yes, brains. I loved that story when the Duke of Edinburgh, addressing the students at Cardiff University, advised them ‘There is one thing that this country needs today, and that is brains.’ Uproar ensued as’ Brains’ is the name of the main brewery in Cardiff.

Are all women programmed by their brains to be ‘Domestic Goddesses?’This term now features in our urban dictionary. It doesn’t refer to me- at least not the first bit.

I remember that time when two friends came round for a coffee. As they were leaving they ran their fingers along the dust covering my banister. ‘Clear off, you cows ‘was my parting shot as they collapsed giggling in their car while I hunted for the duster. These two ladies gave me one of the best surprise presents I’ve ever had. On the day we were moving house they turned up unannounced with mops, brushes and a serious type of hoover and just took over. ‘When did you last clean these skirting boards?’ one asked sternly.' I didn’t know skirting boards were meant to be cleaned.’ was my lame reply.

There’s lots of stuff on the web about the difference between male and female brains.

Men are generally sharply left-brain dominant, while women tend to be more evenly balanced between the left and right-brain hemispheres. That’s why women are supposed to be more communicative and intuitive. Apparently men have approximately 6.5 times more grey matter in the brain than women, but women have about 10 times more white matter than men.

So,how shall I end this blog? So it’s not all black and white – more like grey? It’s a man’s world? Mind over mater? Nah, corny. 

Forget it, I think I’ll make myself a cup of tea; I can manage that at least.

Now, which way was the kitchen.....?