‘What? You have to correct the little blighters’
exercise books in green ink?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Why?’
‘Can’t use red. Musn’t offend their feelings, make them
feel undervalued. No exercise books these days either, so old school, now it’s
just sheets of paper. They often lose them.’
My friend Lin was bemoaning the frustrations of life
as an English teacher in the local comprehensive. She has a well- honed
argumentative tongue, (brought up four children of her own) and a nice line in
sarcasm. Comes in handy these days when classroom discipline has, ahem,
deteriorated somewhat.
‘What a load of rubbish. Why not let them know that
they’ve written crap.’
‘Because it’s not politically correct.’
Red ink never did me any harm.
On the contrary, it inspired me to greater things.
You can’t hide bad work when it’s flashed, liberally slashed , blood - red onto
your desk, in full view of your po-faced fellow pupil. You sit there, gnashing
your teeth in shame and make sure you do better next time.
In those days teacher was in control.
I remember my mother’s sharp ripostes in English
lessons at the badly- behaved pupil sitting at the back.
Me.
My father taught Latin in the boys’ Grammar school. His
wooden chalk
eraser, whizzing though the air, aimed at a hapless
head, was a pretty effective incentive for mastering one’s verb declensions.
He’d get ten years for that now.
Ah, the good old days. When green ink meant
something completely different...
The advance of modern technology has obliterated the
traditions of yesteryear.
Gone is the age-old preserve of demure, white -
haired spinsters sipping tea in cosy hamlets and writing filthy, accusatory,
poison - pen letters in green ink on violet notepaper.
Overtaken now by a modern demagogue, parading in the
guise of Twitter.
I haven't seen green ink in ages, and, as for poison
pen letters, well I have to go back to Agatha Christie...
I’m so
angry I need to vent my spleen, write my very own poison- pen letter.
To The Telegraph.
On Twitter.
In a suitable
green- inked font.
Dear
Sir,
I am
disgusted by modern mores which encompass the worst aspects of a society so up
its own....
Yours
sincerely,
@AnonTumbrodgeWells.
Dammit.
Ran out of
characters...
